Price

As the Lord teaches me, I’m learning that there is a steep price to be paid in becoming like Christ. In church, they talk all the time about giving our will to God. I thought I had a good perception on this: changing my desires to become the same as the Lord’s desires. Certain trials are pulling scales from my spiritual eyes, giving me a slightly clearer view.
There is a fight between our natural man desires and our spiritual righteousness desires. There is pain of soul when being humbled–not just in pride. The poisonus weeds can’t simply be sprayed by weed killer, the deep roots must be removed in their entirety.
This means cutting deep into the core of the heart, searching and digging out all the microscopic root hairs hidden within.
It means telling God all your noxious thoughts and actions, admitting your reluctance to let them go, and pleading with Him to help you change your mind. It means accepting His strategic incisions into your heart, understanding that He would not have you suffer more than is absolutely necessary for your to later heal up a better person.
The price is our life–my life. It leaves me impovered and willing to accept whatever nourishment the Lord will provide me. It leaves me softened clay, bending and shaping more easily at the Master’s guidance.
It leaves me with a deeper gratitude, love and appreciation for the mercy of my Savior.

Update and Thoughts

It’s kind of hard to dedicate yourself to a blog when you are in college. Even with one class (and working full time) it can be hard to keep up. It’s even harder to want to keep up when you don’t know if people are really reading, or if you really have anything really interesting to share.
Anyway, as I mentioned, I’m working and doing school stuff. I’m also trying to keep goals every day, week and month. It can be quite the challenge.
Lately I’ve been reading articles while at work, trying to learn about art, politics, health, etc. I like art the most. Every artist paints a self-portrait (some paint various) in attempt to show the world how they view themselves. I tend to do that with my writing . . . not being very developed, I stick with what I know and my characters all reflect me in many ways.
I’m working on a short story right now in which the character’s name is Dhaifu, which means “weak” in Swahili. It’s sort of an exploration of personal weakness, but not an attempt to degrade myself. Instead, I’m trying to symbolize how we are made strong through coming unto and learning of Christ.
I have an institute teacher who constantly reminds us that there is a false idea among church members which states that humiliation = humility. So by putting ourselves down in front of others or in our minds, we believe we are being humble.
The truth is, we are just weak. We don’t have the strength that Christ has. Sometimes, or perhaps most times, we fight the wrong battles. We fight satan instead of letting Christ fight him for us, then we put ourselves down when we lose. Our Savior provided the Atonement so that we could have hope in Him, and not have to fight satan.
What I’m learning is what I can do personally to give my battles to Christ and the little things I can accomplish. It’s amazing how life can change when this happens.
I’ve gone off, as I always do, but I just felt like sharing that. It’s just one of those times where I needed to bear my testimony to anyone who’ll listen (or read).
The truth is, as long as we are trying–repenting when we mess up, reading our scriptures, saying our prayers, etc–we are worthy to be exalted through Christ. He makes up the difference and we are perfected in Him.

Life in the Fast Lane

Inspired by my good friend, Little K, I’m sharing one of my many moments of stupidity:

Once upon a time I was a bad driver–well, much worse than I am now. I’m an impatient person intent on getting my business taken care of ASAP.  It’s taken a while to develop the little patience that I have. Of course, you should use the appropriate lane for the speed you intend on driving. . . I’ll refrain from going off on this.

ANYWAY, I was cruising down State Street (oh, the joys of cruising State Street), music pumped up, sun roof open, I’m singing at the top of my lungs . . . being the true teen valley girl I didn’t want to admit I was– as if! That’s when I saw it . . .  tribal flashing blue and red lights reflecting in the rearview mirror, signifying I was in trouble with the donut eaters.

You know that sick feeling you get when you know you have done something wrong but you don’t want to admit it or accept it? Yeah, that thick feeling oozed its way into my veins with every jolted pump of my terrified heart. I pulled over, anxiously awaiting the condemning confrontation, mind racing as to what to say.

Panic turns crowds into mobs, robbers into murderers, intelligence into idiocy, and teenage girls into rotten little liars.

Officer: Do you know how fast you were going?

Me: Uhm, no?

Officer: Much faster than what you should have been.

Me: Oh. . . uh, sorry. I’m still trying to get this stick shift down (inclining my head toward the manual transmission)

Officer: Uh huh.

He then proceeds to get my license and registration.

Officer: Well, I’ll be right back.

A few minutes later, the officer was handing me my well-deserved ticket. As he turned to leave, he added with all due sarcasm, 

“Hope you get that stick shift figured out.”

I was left to ponder the stupidity and lameness of my excuse.

Spreading The Mooshiness

Lately, I’ve just been overwhelmed by how much I love those who are closest to me. I’m a blue-white personality, so I’m very emotional. The conversations I have with others are most fulfilling when they are one-on-one and meaningful. I cherish my friendships deeply.
Honestly, I think my friends get sick of me reminding them how much I value them. I just can’t help it, I’m a big cheeser.
So, this is a post dedicated to those I’m closest to . . . I want you to know that the love I feel for you bursts my heart.
A lot of the time, I want to tell you individually . . . but it doesn’t come out how I want it to, or I just give in to my fear of expressing it. Nevertheless, I LOVE YOU. I love you all for the individuals that you are. I love you for being yourselves–whether you’re a normal white sheep, a black sheep or especially a green sheep. Thanks for your friendship/family-ship!

Days Go By

‘Tis the Season For Resolutions

Well, as the year comes to a close I feel pretty good about meeting my resolutions from the beginning. I’ve lost some weight, I’ve learned some things, and I’ve been blessed with more help than I can express. For that, I thank my Heavenly Father.
As I think about the things which have happened during the year, I’ve decided that words from a Kelly Clarkson song will sum it up:
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone
What doesn’t kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn’t mean I’m over cause you’re gone

SO, now that I’m becoming more of a fighter. . . hahaha! That’s right 🙂 ANYWAY, I’ve been working on my goals for this next year, and I totally plan to be more aggressive at achieving them.
It’s interesting–and sad–that the Lord inspired me to make goals, then gave me certain, trying experiences to help me achieve them.
I guess it’s all part of the “refiner’s fire.” To be honest, I’ve become a better person in many aspects because of achieving these goals. That is the whole point, of course!
ANYWAY, I guess I just wanted to cement in the fact that I am going to work harder on my goals this next year, and become a little better. I also wanted to encourage everyone to make resolutions and stick with them! I’m proof you can do it 🙂

Merry Christmas

May those of you who read my blog have a WONDERFUL Christmas time. . . to those of you who don’t. . . DON’T!
HAHAHAHAHA!
Merry Christmas to all and to all a GOOD NIGHT!!!

“Men’s Hearts Shall Fail Them”

Sally: I’ve been looking for you, big brother. Will you please write a letter to Santa Claus for me?

Charlie Brown: Well, I don’t have much time. I’m supposed to get down to the school auditorium to direct a Christmas play.

Sally: [hands a clipboard and pen to Charlie Brown] You write it and I’ll tell you what I want to say.

Charlie Brown: [sticks pen in his mouth] Okay, shoot.

Sally: [dictating her letter to Santa Claus as Charlie Brown writes it for her] Dear Santa Claus, How have you been? Did you have a nice summer? [Charlie Brown looks at her]

Sally: How is your wife? I have been extra good this year, so I have a long list of presents that I want.

Charlie Brown: Oh brother.

Sally: Please note the size and color of each item, and send as many as possible. If it seems too complicated, make it easy on yourself: just send money. How about tens and twenties?

Charlie Brown: TENS AND TWENTIES? Oh, even my baby sister!

Sally: All I want is what I… I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share.

It’s no big revelation that this is the way the world thinks now. Everyone wants his/her fair share. . . by which we mean more than our fair share, because we know we deserve a lot more than what the world will give us.

I’ve been thinking about how people are with each other. It seems rare to have someone say please and thank you to those who are doing their jobs–why? Because it’s their job. Perhaps you are walking through a crowd, and someone bumps you. . . do they apologize? Nope, they just keep on walking, perhaps thinking to themselves that you should be the one to apologize not them. Everyone’s looking out for number 1.

While discussing this subject, Vintage Sparrow said she was reminded of what’s said in the scriptures, “. . . men’s hearts shall fail them.”

I’ll be honest, my heart is failing me because I don’t want to love people anymore. Too many people hurt you and don’t care that they do. I don’t want to be charitable and serve others, because no one’s going to serve me in return. Why should I go out of my way to help someone if they aren’t going to help me in return?

Then I am reminded of Christ.

He loves us deeply, and we reject Him. I’ve been learning about God’s emotions. He isn’t numb to hurt feelings, though He is God and has a higher way of expressing them/dealing with them. We hurt His feelings-I hurt His feelings when I refuse to talk to Him about something I’ve done which I don’t want to admit to. I break His heart when I refuse to love His children and serve them. I break His heart when I refuse to let Him tell me He loves me.

How often does God help us when we don’t deserve it, and in return gets nothing from us? As the scriptures say, I am an unprofitable servant. He blesses me, protects me, saves me, provides for me and then I turn around and forget about Him, not saying thank you or acknowledging His gifts to me.

I wish I could forget the world, feel God’s love for others, and then serve them according to those feelings. Unfortunately, I let the cold teachings of the devil harden my heart and block me from being able to forgive weaknesses and remember my own. I want what I feel is owed to me–my fair share. But, in all reality, I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve a fair share of anything wonderful.

How grateful I am for Christ. How can I be grateful enough, or show my gratitude to Him for blessing me with the things I am not worthy of?

I can’t.

BUT, I can try to be a little kinder. I can say please and thank you. I can say “I’m Sorry” to those I offend. I can pray for help in forgiving those around me, with a sincere desire to find that love for them. I can love my family and serve them instead of forgetting that they are there. In short, I can try a little harder.

“Sing Sweet Nightengale”

So, Christmas songs were mentioned in the previous post and I’ve decided to make a list of greats and fails–According to me (and that’s all that matters, right?):

Best Christmas Songs (and version):

1. O Holy Night- Mannheim Steamrollers and Josh Groban

2. Christmas is Coming (the goose is getting fat)- The Muppets

3. The Twelve Days of Christmas- The Muppets

4. Where Are You Christmas- Faith Hill (for a girl who doesn’t like Country music, surprisingly, I do like this song)

5. Los Pastores A Belen- David Archuleta with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir

6. Carol of the Bells- Transiberian Orchestra and Mannheim Steamrollers

7. Still, Still, Still- Mannheim Steamrollers

8. Mele Kaliki Maka- Bing Crosby

9. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas- The Carpenters

10. The Holly and the Ivy- Mannheim Steamrollers

Let’s face it, Mannheim Steamrollers has a lot of great songs that I just love!

Now for the fails:

1. Last Christmas I Gave You My Heart- Any version is just stupid

2. Mary Did You Know?- Clay Aiken, BLEH!

3. Little St. Nick- Beach Boys

4. Dear Elvis, you may be the king of rock and/or roll, but your Christmas songs suck

5. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus- Any version

6. Baby It’s Cold Outside- Have you really listened to the words . . .

7. Santa Baby- Don’t think I need to explain

8. Christmas Shoes- I can’t think of a word to describe my loathing for this song

9. Christmas Don’t Be Late- The Chipmunks . . . you can only stand so much of it

10. Hippopotomas For Christmas- Annoying, just plain annoying

What about YOU? What are some of your most favourite/hated songs?

Feliz Navidad

Doesn’t that song get on your nerves? It sure gets on my nerves. . . just like all the other Christmas songs after being played over and over and over and over, etc again. BUT, I promise I’m not a complete grinch. My friend and I make fun of “The Little Drummer Boy” because there’s a line which says, “the ox and lamb kept time. . . ” can’t you just imagine them clicking and clacking their hooves to the beat? HA HA HA!!

Okay, moving on.

I wanted to update the shortie I wrote last year about the Salvation Army guy. . . but I erased it. I’m a little sad now. Guess I shouldn’t erase shortie stories that I write. The main theme of it was magic that comes with doing good deeds. If you watched the Christmas devotional, President Monson shared the story of “The Mansion.” I have never read that book,  but the theme was a good one.

How often do I do nice things for others and hope to get praise and recognition for it? Not gonna lie, sometimes while doing something good, I secretly hope that someone is watching and thinking that I’m an amazingly good person.

I’ve been thinking about the movie “Zorro.” Zorro has a necklace which has circles on it, each one surrounds the other. It looks like a bullseye. Diego, the old Zorro, is instructing Alejandro to become the new Zorro. He explains that the necklace represents his progress in training. As he progresses, he moves inward a circle until he reaches the smallest circle and can get his revenge for his brother’s death.

I was thinking how selfish this really is. Sure, he was gonna help people, but that was just a side thing. His main goal was to kill a man for killing his brother.

I started thinking about the spheres of intelligence.

The truth is, as we forget ourselves, learn about Christ, and serve others without thought for ourselves, we progress outwards, gaining knowledge and increasing our spiritual light. We get a little bit closer to how God is.

So, I guess what I’m saying is, real progression expands outwards, not inwards.