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As the Lord teaches me, I’m learning that there is a steep price to be paid in becoming like Christ. In church, they talk all the time about giving our will to God. I thought I had a good perception on this: changing my desires to become the same as the Lord’s desires. Certain trials are pulling scales from my spiritual eyes, giving me a slightly clearer view.
There is a fight between our natural man desires and our spiritual righteousness desires. There is pain of soul when being humbled–not just in pride. The poisonus weeds can’t simply be sprayed by weed killer, the deep roots must be removed in their entirety.
This means cutting deep into the core of the heart, searching and digging out all the microscopic root hairs hidden within.
It means telling God all your noxious thoughts and actions, admitting your reluctance to let them go, and pleading with Him to help you change your mind. It means accepting His strategic incisions into your heart, understanding that He would not have you suffer more than is absolutely necessary for your to later heal up a better person.
The price is our life–my life. It leaves me impovered and willing to accept whatever nourishment the Lord will provide me. It leaves me softened clay, bending and shaping more easily at the Master’s guidance.
It leaves me with a deeper gratitude, love and appreciation for the mercy of my Savior.


Update and Thoughts


It’s kind of hard to dedicate yourself to a blog when you are in college. Even with one class (and working full time) it can be hard to keep up. It’s even harder to want to keep up when you don’t know if people are really reading, or if you really have anything really interesting to share.
Anyway, as I mentioned, I’m working and doing school stuff. I’m also trying to keep goals every day, week and month. It can be quite the challenge.
Lately I’ve been reading articles while at work, trying to learn about art, politics, health, etc. I like art the most. Every artist paints a self-portrait (some paint various) in attempt to show the world how they view themselves. I tend to do that with my writing . . . not being very developed, I stick with what I know and my characters all reflect me in many ways.
I’m working on a short story right now in which the character’s name is Dhaifu, which means “weak” in Swahili. It’s sort of an exploration of personal weakness, but not an attempt to degrade myself. Instead, I’m trying to symbolize how we are made strong through coming unto and learning of Christ.
I have an institute teacher who constantly reminds us that there is a false idea among church members which states that humiliation = humility. So by putting ourselves down in front of others or in our minds, we believe we are being humble.
The truth is, we are just weak. We don’t have the strength that Christ has. Sometimes, or perhaps most times, we fight the wrong battles. We fight satan instead of letting Christ fight him for us, then we put ourselves down when we lose. Our Savior provided the Atonement so that we could have hope in Him, and not have to fight satan.
What I’m learning is what I can do personally to give my battles to Christ and the little things I can accomplish. It’s amazing how life can change when this happens.
I’ve gone off, as I always do, but I just felt like sharing that. It’s just one of those times where I needed to bear my testimony to anyone who’ll listen (or read).
The truth is, as long as we are trying–repenting when we mess up, reading our scriptures, saying our prayers, etc–we are worthy to be exalted through Christ. He makes up the difference and we are perfected in Him.

Life in the Fast Lane

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Inspired by my good friend, Little K, I’m sharing one of my many moments of stupidity:

Once upon a time I was a bad driver–well, much worse than I am now. I’m an impatient person intent on getting my business taken care of ASAP.  It’s taken a while to develop the little patience that I have. Of course, you should use the appropriate lane for the speed you intend on driving. . . I’ll refrain from going off on this.

ANYWAY, I was cruising down State Street (oh, the joys of cruising State Street), music pumped up, sun roof open, I’m singing at the top of my lungs . . . being the true teen valley girl I didn’t want to admit I was– as if! That’s when I saw it . . .  tribal flashing blue and red lights reflecting in the rearview mirror, signifying I was in trouble with the donut eaters.

You know that sick feeling you get when you know you have done something wrong but you don’t want to admit it or accept it? Yeah, that thick feeling oozed its way into my veins with every jolted pump of my terrified heart. I pulled over, anxiously awaiting the condemning confrontation, mind racing as to what to say.

Panic turns crowds into mobs, robbers into murderers, intelligence into idiocy, and teenage girls into rotten little liars.

Officer: Do you know how fast you were going?

Me: Uhm, no?

Officer: Much faster than what you should have been.

Me: Oh. . . uh, sorry. I’m still trying to get this stick shift down (inclining my head toward the manual transmission)

Officer: Uh huh.

He then proceeds to get my license and registration.

Officer: Well, I’ll be right back.

A few minutes later, the officer was handing me my well-deserved ticket. As he turned to leave, he added with all due sarcasm, 

“Hope you get that stick shift figured out.”

I was left to ponder the stupidity and lameness of my excuse.

Spreading The Mooshiness

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Lately, I’ve just been overwhelmed by how much I love those who are closest to me. I’m a blue-white personality, so I’m very emotional. The conversations I have with others are most fulfilling when they are one-on-one and meaningful. I cherish my friendships deeply.
Honestly, I think my friends get sick of me reminding them how much I value them. I just can’t help it, I’m a big cheeser.
So, this is a post dedicated to those I’m closest to . . . I want you to know that the love I feel for you bursts my heart.
A lot of the time, I want to tell you individually . . . but it doesn’t come out how I want it to, or I just give in to my fear of expressing it. Nevertheless, I LOVE YOU. I love you all for the individuals that you are. I love you for being yourselves–whether you’re a normal white sheep, a black sheep or especially a green sheep. Thanks for your friendship/family-ship!

Days Go By

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‘Tis the Season For Resolutions

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Well, as the year comes to a close I feel pretty good about meeting my resolutions from the beginning. I’ve lost some weight, I’ve learned some things, and I’ve been blessed with more help than I can express. For that, I thank my Heavenly Father.
As I think about the things which have happened during the year, I’ve decided that words from a Kelly Clarkson song will sum it up:
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone
What doesn’t kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn’t mean I’m over cause you’re gone

SO, now that I’m becoming more of a fighter. . . hahaha! That’s right 🙂 ANYWAY, I’ve been working on my goals for this next year, and I totally plan to be more aggressive at achieving them.
It’s interesting–and sad–that the Lord inspired me to make goals, then gave me certain, trying experiences to help me achieve them.
I guess it’s all part of the “refiner’s fire.” To be honest, I’ve become a better person in many aspects because of achieving these goals. That is the whole point, of course!
ANYWAY, I guess I just wanted to cement in the fact that I am going to work harder on my goals this next year, and become a little better. I also wanted to encourage everyone to make resolutions and stick with them! I’m proof you can do it 🙂

Merry Christmas


May those of you who read my blog have a WONDERFUL Christmas time. . . to those of you who don’t. . . DON’T!
Merry Christmas to all and to all a GOOD NIGHT!!!

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